About This Blog

I'm in the process of building my own website/blog and it is proving to be such an arduous task. There's just so many things about it that are testing much of my decision-making skills; e.g. name, overall design, organization, contents, etc. Well as far as the site's direction is concerned, I feel like I need to lay out a clear path and here are my two cents so far...


After a very long and careful process of thinking, asking, researching, reading, thinking again, and reading again, I finally decided on what direction I want this blog to take.

The most important factor that I took into consideration is "Am I gonna make this site an earner?" If I was going to be moving a lot and finance my trips, might as well make this blog a moneymaker, right? I've read a lot of blogs and a lot of them are plastered with maybe a bit more adverts than they ought to have. I have nothing against it, in fact a lot of bloggers are earning throught it, but I asked myself as a reader, "Am I gonna read a website like that?"

In the process of reading hundreds and hundreds of blogs, I've known myself a lot more as a reader. Out of all those materials. I realized that am more drawn into blogs that tell stories, from personal accounts. I didn't really care for guides, for budget breakdowns or for catalogues. I wanted organic blogs that I can consume as a human being that craves for stories, they be spectacular, adventurous, sad, horrible or what not. Of course, I also really care about the syntax and semantics. They help me to not be put off of a piece.

Things are not set in stone yet but for starters this blog will be about stories from experiences that I collect personally. I'll be putting a lot of pressure on my storytelling skills I guess. I hope things look up though. In the future I might put up guides, who knows? But for the mean time, I see myself doing them not.

(NOTE: I might actually end up putting this in my About This Blog Section)

P.S. What the hell is a PSN blog?

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How about Coron solo?

yup. Will post something on this later. ciao

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Digital Footprint: From ego search to deleting yourself from the internet.

Trying to get my name unsearchable online. How to? Will be the subject of my personal research the next few days.

http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/digital-life-news/how-robb-lewis-is-helping-web-users-erase-their-digital-footprint-with-justdeleteme-website-20140308-34e1v.html

How Robb Lewis is helping web users erase their digital footprint with Justdelete.me website

Sydney Mordning Herald

justdelete.me

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Dear Friend (perks of being a wallflower ang peg)

I don't know exactly what to say. But this week has been a torment. Let's just say it all ends in "Life is unfair." I have treated it with a lot of admiration and respect and all I get in return is a shitload in the face.

All the same, death is unfair. I have been asking to be taken and it gets a friend who didn't want and deserve to die. Hey death, I'm asking you one more time, please just get me and be done with it. I would want an abrupt and painless death but if you say otherwise, I can live with slow and painful. Ha! Pun intended.

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Ang Stress ng 151 (ever since, stat mech)

Nagising akong 8:30 today na may 1 missed call at 1 text from someone nagtatanong: "Anong oras ang finals natin sa 151? At anong coverage?"

And then boom! It hit me. Ngayong tinanong na ni classmate, saka ko na-realize from top of my head na shit! 7am nga pala ang exam. All this time while reviewing the past few days, I was looking forward to a 9am exam, why?

Dali-dali: 10 minutes na ligo, 5 minutes na bihis at pagkatagal-tagal na pag-aayos ng buhok (roughly).

Habang papuntang NIP, minamap-out ko na sa utak ko anong mga excuses na ibibigay ko sa prof at ang paghingi ng 30mins para matapos ang isang pang-2hour na exam. At sinisisi na rin ang sarili deep inside kung bat pa naidlip ng mga 6:30am, galing sa all-nighter na pagrereview. Naiimagine ko na rin ang worst possible shit: I've been working so hard for this tapos maze-zero lang ako? But I kept calm.

10 minutes past 9 pagdating ng research wing, halos wala nang tao sa NIP. So pumunta straight sa office ni Sir. And then ang pambungad kong tanong, "Sir magpa-finals ba ako in the first place?" Matagal ko na ding tanong yan.

Hindi kasi naglabas ever ng exam results si sir prior to this week. So by the time nag-start ang hell week, I just went straight into loser mode. Buong araw nasa dorm nagso-solve ng mga problems. Lalabas na lang ng mga 2 or 3pm para mag-breakfast at dinner na din. Babalik sa dorm ng 5 tapos review ulit, mga magdamagan na to. Other stuff, I ignored. I cancelled UPM application. Ni hindi ako nag-review for Bio finals. Leading up to last night nga na super confident na akong mape-perfect ko na ang exam. Well, except for the fact that I missed the exam already.

So, si Sir, pointed sa isang tambak ng mga papel. (I was expecting naman na bibigyan niya ako ng kahit 30minutes lang) "Tingnan mo exams mo!" And boom! Ang lago ng scores na hindi ko in-expect. One look and I knew then that I didn't really need to take the finals nga. So dapat nga masiyahan na nga ako and all diba? But no!

First of all, maganda ang outcome, flying colors and all. Pero marami lang akong nai-sacrifice para sa finals exam na to. I was looking forward to this. 2 weeks in the making, isinantabi ko ang napakaraming bagay. Not complaining at all, na-anticipate ko din naman ang mga ganitong sacrifices ever since pa, the puyat, the gutom, etc. Para lang kasing they went all for nothing. Haha! Well, except na-enjoy ko din naman yung pag-aaral. Tapos ang sad lang nung sobrang inignore ko talaga ang application ko sa UPM. I was looking forward pa naman ma-induct as early as October. Pero I had to defer and wait til next year pa for another chance. Haaay...

I guess the takeaway is at least makaka-move forward na ako sa 152, ang last Physics major ko (hopefully) sa isang naaapakahaba at naaaapaka-eventful na undergrad life ko.

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Bacolares and Sweets

As an opening remark, I just want to address some people who managed to ruin an otherwise remarkable and self-fulfilling day. Dude, if you want to have fun, go have fun! But don't shove your brand of fun into other people's throat! I am frankly disappointed that we are living in an environment conducive to all kinds of preferences and yet some of you still manage to be insensitive self-serving idiots!

There you have it, my ultra-negative rant for the day. But other than that, I had a self-rediscovery or maybe self-realization day. For the past few days, I have been very lethargic, lazy, sad maybe, totally spaced out, tired, irritable, a little sick probably. But there has been something bothering me already that have been very difficult for me to see that I would often resort to smoking, drinking coffee too much, jogging unscheduled-ly, and sleep like log in random places and at random time. But I knew I wanted to be sick. I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to get tired from a dance central arcade. I knew I wanted something new to get me energized but I just didn't knew how.

So, today, out of all the randomness that had happened or I forced to happen for the last couple of days, I found myself crying and laughing, all at the same time with some of my very close friends and colleagues. We were going to want to hear from an ate about what's been bothering her lately because she too seemed irritable. She denied or chose to not burden us with the knowing but she burst into tears. And then another ate burst into tears. And then the next thing I know I burst into tears as well. But we were laughing!

After that little hormonal outburst, it felt good. I realized I made it a goal for the summer to take care of my physical health but I forgot to take care of my emotional health. You see, I've been tired, I've been frustrated and I've been sad. But it all didn't seem to matter when I had tasks that needed my taking care of: thesis experiments, paperworks, errands, paperworks. It wasn't when I haven't been getting success at my thesis experiments. I have been walking from building to building for days. I have been sleeping late. I haven't been opening my readings. I've been harboring all this heavy emotions and I didn't even have the slightest hint of their existence. But the frustration, the fatigue, exhaustion, and loneliness, it all culminated into this small round-table gathering of people close to me, crying and laughing, all at the same time. But like I said, I never felt better.

As an ending to this crazy story, I wanna share a cool Bobby McFerrin video I found a few days ago titled "Don't Worry, Be Happy"; and highlight the line, "In every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double." Here it is:




P.S. I bought a bacolares plant.

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Testicles and Painkillers

I was trying to sort the big deals out of an uneventful week and all I can recall was me thinking last Friday that during that day, had I been able to, I would've murdered 6 or 7 people. That would include that woman I sat beside the jeepney; she was bitchy! The other two would've been the fat guys who had to really squeeze me in my seat at the train ride. It was apparently the point I started feeling pain from my crotch. Another one would be the donut vendor who won't sell donuts coz she didn't have change. And the rest would be the surplus. These people, really!

There was no way I could have turned that day around, instead I ended up with a very painful pair of testicles.

I planned this day ahead to be in an extraordinary level of brightness. I would've have worn a pair of red pants topped with a gayish shirt. But then the day before was a disappointment that creeped its way into the next day.

That's how unremarkable this week have been save for the failed experiments for thesis which will most likely continue until next week. My creativity couldn't even save this entry. This will probably go down as my worst ever.

Anyhow, I just wanted to write something about, while waiting for the Heroes Season 2 to complete download.

And oh!, did I mention I ended up having painful testicles?

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The Letter That Sends You Off To Litters

So a few days ago, I was bored and me getting bored is so mental. I tend to compose a lot of philosophical and scientific essays in my head. So a few days ago I just thought of a someone from my past. It was a bittersweet affair and didn't end nicely that for the past two or three years I still think about that person. So you know what they say about letting it all go shizz. So I tried putting into words what I have been trying to say for the past few years. Not that I want him to ever read this but I just wanted to feel to really let go this time and find my own peace of mind. After all, it's been so many years and I have to move on in the most genuine sense this time. And true enough, the day after I wrote it, I'm off the hook. I couldn't even remember a word from the letter I wrote. So there my love lost goes. I hope this letter really seals this segment of my life for good.



Dear C.

I know this is an age-old topic that i should have just forgotten a long time ago but once and for all I am putting a close to everything with this semi-indulgent letter. But I don't wish this to reach you and I hope you don't ever read it. And by the way, the me so obsessed with very organized literary compositions will not be in this letter. After all, I am just trying to put into words what I have been thinking for so many years. So here it goes.

For the longest time I have been dodging feelings for other people. I felt I owe it to the humankind to have one less messy relationship to keep things in order. But when you came around my scarcely remarkable life, I felt a little more brightness and a little less sadness. With you trying to distract me for attention, I felt a little special. The me so naive and inexperienced with interhuman affection misinterpreted every little attention you've shown me. We flirted a little and I went psycho about it and I thought it was love. So I guess that scared you off. So when you just walked out, I really felt shit and almost suicidal. Using your own words of me, "you're so full of yourself." If you haven't figured it out yet, you were the first person ever I thought I'd pursue having a relationship with. After you left I thought I was gonna be fine and live on. But no. The thing with this whole ordeal with love lost is you can deny all you want and try not to think what you've done wrong to push people away. But then you get a lot of time alone and you unwantingly sink into thinking again. Yes, I cried once or probably more. I thought I was a strong person but I guess I just loved you a little more than I should have. There were just things about you that are special to me. You were the kind of person I imagined riding into the sunset with. I guess I was really broken by the things that I never wanted to happen. So this appallingly crazy person me went into this empty sex with a stranger that I don't even remember the face of, thinking I'm doing myself healing.

From then on I never had sex with anyone. I guess it took me a regretable one to realize that this ridiculous cliche about making love only for love is rather not so ridiculous at all. Anyway, the point of this letter is just to get these thoughts off my head. Two or three years have passed and somehow i still wonder of the things that might have been. But things have changed and I feel like I've lost some things along the way. And if there's anything at all that I've learned during the entire process, it is that nothing in this life is really that fairy tale easy. I guess it's just so human nature for people to hurt other people. So I think Im gonna stay single for a long time, not that there's been any offer. But the point is I guess I've grown too much to be part of this whole human ordeal. Or now that I thought of it, I think I've just really grown this "stay away from me" aura. I've kinda grown to accept that there's no way our kind of relationship can have a rainbow happy ending. It might just be me though. As for you, I would like to thank you for that lady gaga scribble you wrote for me. Now that I look back at it, i regret feeding it off the shredder. I would also like to thank you for the life-changing experience that it has been. The whole heartbreak process probably killed me for a few hours and scarred me for some months. But, cliche as it may sound, it has taught me to grow a new kind of bone that helped me accept things the way they are. Now Im settled in my pathetic and mediocre career but I am living and I am content. Though it's what everyone else is after, I will not be chasing my happy ending anytime soon. So I am hoping all the best for you and your life. I hope that by writing this letter, I have shaken you off my mind and my heart. I love you and always will. And just like I told you the last time, "See you again when we're all cats!"

Eternally,
Arcee

PS: I wrote this in British accent.

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Source of Income

Test lang.

Kung sino uto-uto katulad ko, click lang ng click!

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a testimonial to April 11'09...when I lost my love ring

A day so bizarre!

I lost my cca token.
So I had to pay $45 for another one
And not to mention, spent almost an hour just trying to activate it.

And then my love ring (LOVE engraved on it),
a very very important ring I've been keeping for years,
by the time I was about to leave office,
I realized it was no longer in my finger!

What a time for that ring to be lost!
On this day!
The very same day I asked, "should I wait or just let it all go?",
and got no answer.

It's been hard getting rid of that 10-peso coin that's been sitting in my wallet for two weeks.
And shredding that paper with "Just Dance Pokerface" scribbles on it as hard.
And Im sure it'll be harder letting go of that ring.
Maybe not on this day, but eventually, I'll let go.
And I won't need a bottle of beer,
nor a doze of serotonin,
and never a drop of tear!!!

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Infatuation and Freedom

I kept telling myself that I should've been free,
I should be in a state of peace.
I have been living the life of simplicity, contentment, abstinence and detachment, my true measures of the ultimate freedom.
But how did it happen that a complete stranger, unknown to my system, rather just passing by, completely ruined my ideals?
How come one day I was quietly going on with my life optimistic of whatever tomorrow has to offer
and the other, I would not want to live a day more?
Why is freedom not enough?
Why am I not happy?
Why do we have to meet people if their purpose is to hurt other people?
Why is Dr. Mierzwak not real?
Why can't he come and treat my corrupted memory?
Why is knowledge and truth still not enough to be free?
What does it take to be free?

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