Airport drama: the miserable kind

This is a series of journal entries I kept when I made that random trip around Indochina. I went on a weekend holiday for my birthday, but I ended up heart--I wouldn't say broken but I was extremely lonely. So I ditched my flight back home and went on a backpacking trip. Here are the accounts...

Previously: Random Birthday (Valentine) Trip to Thailand

Well, I guess that's it!

I'm sitting on a bench inside Suvarnabhumi Airport, a few miles outside Bangkok, a few hours past noon, crying.

My flight back home is not until the following morning. But I'm here. I'm here because I have nowhere else to go. Misha and I had a fight that I walked out of. Well, it's much more complicated than it sounds.

I've been upset since the day I arrived. He was sick, of some fever, when i came. No one was there to pick me up from anywhere. That was fine because I completely understood. It wasn't his fault that he was sick. We actually had to spend my birthday and Valentine's day between the hospital and his apartment. Totally understood. Not that I really care about my birthday, or Valentine's day for that matter. It's just another random day in another random year.

IT'S FINE. I UNDERSTAND. IT ISN'T HIS FAULT.

Somehow this has become the mood for the next three days. It was all fine by me. I wanted to be there for him. It felt like a turning point for our relationship--one challenge that we storm through and then we'll love each other more by the end of it. What I failed to grasp was how distant and cold he was. He was very noncommittal to all the efforts I've put forward to making our short period together special.

Then it came out--one time at a dinner, he has somehow randomly mentioned a "friend" he has been meeting for the past few weeks.

I tried to brush aside the jealousy. It might have been nothing. It had to be nothing! After all, I was the one there with him at that moment. So I shouldn't let some stranger ruin our time together. But he kept being distant. I've grown weary as the days went by. My frustration was growing. I had to ask. I had to confront. I NEEDED TO KNOW.

Or maybe not.

The truth came rushing to me at an unrelenting violence. What I dreaded from the beginning was now unfolding its ugly shape in front of me. He has been sleeping with that "friend". I knew this was all going to happen. I knew that he will fall for someone else. I knew that we were not meant for each other. I've always known. Denial fought acceptance. That caused my insides to feel as if they were coming out of me. I needed air so I don't choke. That air seemed far away from him. I had to leave.

So much for romantic getaways. Now here I am in the middle of a crowded airport--a busy and uncaring airport.

I'm here. I'm lonely. I 'm miserable. Can't you see tears gushing out of me?

Well, I guess that's it.

To be continued...

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Random Birthday (Valentine) Trip to Thailand

This is a series of journal entries I kept when I made that random trip around Indochina. I went on a weekend holiday for my birthday, but I ended up heart--I wouldn't say broken but I was extremely lonely. So I ditched my flight back home and went on a backpacking trip. Here are the accounts.

I learned in November last year that Misha is back in Thailand. I was pleasantly surprised. He invited me to come over. I couldn't.

Misha is a Russian guy I met over a year ago when I attended a synchrotron conference in Thailand. He was an expatriate who's lived there for well over two years. We went on a few dates and he made my stay very extraordinary considering it was my first time out of the country and I was alone. I really liked him but I had to go back home. It was excruciating--I cried at the airport.

Well, it was meant to be a summer romance, anyways--two people meeting in a foreign land, keeping each other company for the very limited time they had together. We were meant to forget about each other eventually. But we kept in touch. We exchanged words of endearment. We said things to each other. We made each other feel good for a little while. We even joked about getting married at some point. But I knew very well there's an end to it. I just refused to believe it and instead hoped against all hopes.

He moved back to Russia a few months after, never certain if he'll be back ever. Not long after though, he was back. And it got me pumped.

I was a new hire as a finance rep for this big company when he announced his return. I couldn't get out of my new obligations. And I didn't have the money yet; so seeing Misha back then was impossible. We toyed with the idea of seeing him for Christmas or New Year at some point but I was really scared leaving work--it was not to be.

So our communication died down a little bit. We probably just spoke a little less than 10 times for the next four months. I was however consistent in viewing all options in getting over to that Indochina peninsula.

However, last week, against all logic and practicality, I finally mustered the courage to book a flight to Thailand. I asked Misha if it was alright to visit for Valentine's and he said it was fine. I'm excited. I am going to have the best Valentine's and birthday ever!

To be continued...

Next: Airport drama: the miserable kind

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About This Blog

I'm in the process of building my own website/blog and it is proving to be such an arduous task. There's just so many things about it that are testing much of my decision-making skills; e.g. name, overall design, organization, contents, etc. Well as far as the site's direction is concerned, I feel like I need to lay out a clear path and here are my two cents so far...


After a very long and careful process of thinking, asking, researching, reading, thinking again, and reading again, I finally decided on what direction I want this blog to take.

The most important factor that I took into consideration is "Am I gonna make this site an earner?" If I was going to be moving a lot and finance my trips, might as well make this blog a moneymaker, right? I've read a lot of blogs and a lot of them are plastered with maybe a bit more adverts than they ought to have. I have nothing against it, in fact a lot of bloggers are earning throught it, but I asked myself as a reader, "Am I gonna read a website like that?"

In the process of reading hundreds and hundreds of blogs, I've known myself a lot more as a reader. Out of all those materials. I realized that am more drawn into blogs that tell stories, from personal accounts. I didn't really care for guides, for budget breakdowns or for catalogues. I wanted organic blogs that I can consume as a human being that craves for stories, they be spectacular, adventurous, sad, horrible or what not. Of course, I also really care about the syntax and semantics. They help me to not be put off of a piece.

Things are not set in stone yet but for starters this blog will be about stories from experiences that I collect personally. I'll be putting a lot of pressure on my storytelling skills I guess. I hope things look up though. In the future I might put up guides, who knows? But for the mean time, I see myself doing them not.

(NOTE: I might actually end up putting this in my About This Blog Section)

P.S. What the hell is a PSN blog?

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Digital Footprint: From ego search to deleting yourself from the internet.

Trying to get my name unsearchable online. How to? Will be the subject of my personal research the next few days.

http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/digital-life-news/how-robb-lewis-is-helping-web-users-erase-their-digital-footprint-with-justdeleteme-website-20140308-34e1v.html

How Robb Lewis is helping web users erase their digital footprint with Justdelete.me website

Sydney Mordning Herald

justdelete.me

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TV personalities are not good role models

(will get into details later. For the meantime, I'll list the ones on top of my head ala Arya Stark. In Arya Stark POV, these personalities should be killed altogether so as to bottleneck their influence on Filipino mass culture.)

Filipino Drama/Teleserye.
Robin Padilla.
Kris Aquino.
Claudine Barretto. (all the Barrettos actually)
Marian Rivera.
Tito, Vic and Joey. (most esp. Tito)
Willie Revillame.
Vhong Navarro.
Most PBB contestants in their teens.
Most of Philippine TV actually.
Politicians.
Filipino drama again.

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The Year Ahead

Just yesterday, I had a serious life conversation with a friend over chat. We talked about how at our age we haven't had any significant achievement yet. We felt really behind compared to a lot of other people from our generation. Just look at 23-year old Kevin Durant who already made a name for himself in the NBA. But in a far more realistic sense, a lot of our peers are already working their way to achieving great things. And I really, really feel ashamed for all those years that I know were wasted. I could have been helping my family earn income by now. Instead, I am still one of their dependents. So as I'm headed to my last semester of undergrad, I have set a few things for accomplishing. These are things I need to remind myself that a year or two from now, these are the things I wanted to have happened by then. I want to see if I lived up to my own expectations.

1. Defend Thesis and Graduate 1st Sem
Right now is May and I have well over 5 months of experimenting, modeling and writing. Have an outlet of practicing the writing, e.g. this blog, part-time writing jobs, etc. Also, read at least 2 papers a day and summarize important points in an index card. Make sure full attention is given to all subjects left.

2. SPP 2013
The deadline is around September 2013. Write what you can about a small section of the thesis topic. Probably write about possible extensions of the topic. Remember that in the Philippine setting, your technique is novel. Collaborate with other people from the lab for more authorships.

3. UPM Induction
By first semester, get back into fitness training. You will also need all your skills and UPM knowledge training back to push for October induction in UPM. Remember that this was one of the reasons you were a CS for a sem last year. You had UPM tasks ahead of you so you always had the urgency to finish academic stuff earlier. Nice trick, wasn't it?

4. Grad School
You might have the worst undergrad records but you have three superiors that are ultra supportive so just give it a try. Take time to decide whether to take Physics or MSE.

5. CSE Exam
About time you get civil service license. Please, topnotch! Read on public policies and concerns esp. current events, foreign policies, trade policies, etc. And practice forming a strong opinion on each topic.

6. Asian Universities application period: Oct 2013 - March 2014
this: http://www.scholars4dev.com/3693/korean-government-scholarships-for-international-students/
Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore or Korea are the favorable destinations. Get IELTS (1 for Asia + 1 for Europe)

7. European Universities application period: mid-Oct 2013 (calls) - Jan 2012
visit this: http://eacea.ec.europa.eu/erasmus_mundus/funding/scholarships_students_academics_en.php
and this: http://www.studyinsweden.se/Scholarships/SI-scholarships/The-Swedish-Institute-Study-Scholarships/#idx_3
and this: http://www.studyinsweden.se/Scholarships/Scholarship-Challenges/
and this: http://www.mamaself.eu/
or this: http://www.master-imacs.org/
or this: http://www.u-picardie.fr/mundus_MESC/index.php
or this: http://www.emmi-materials.eu/spip.php?article71
or this: http://mahara.eet.bme.hu/view/view.php?id=313&showmore=1

Schengen Area, Order of Preference:
   1. Scandinavia esp. Sweden
   2. France
   3. Spain/Portugal/Italy
   4. Germany/Netherlands/Switzerland

8. ...?

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Do we really have to know evil to fight it?

A while ago, I was having an argument with a friend and roommate, Rommel, about evil. It came as a result of him explicitly telling me he hated me for how I’ve acted these past few days--I was so into the concept of personifying evil.

As accusations go, I acted vicious, sexist, mean, stupid, slang, etc. The most significant part of the act however was feeling pleasure while doing these deeds of evil. And when Rommel criticized the character (or me), I responded with a statement I didn’t even know was coming from me--

To fight the evil, you must know the evil.

(Well, if you really wanted to)

After having said that, I started getting paranoid that might be becoming a monster myself, with figurative big horns and long pointed tails, holding a trident, and endlessly partying around fire in a cave. (read: credit to Dan Brown for using these images again that attribute to devil)

Rommel opened up the topic again last night and I was on the defensive this time.

One can argue that it’s best that we never know evil at all. Then we wouldn’t have to deal with it.

Innocence days are over though!

My Christian self believes that ever since Adam and Eve made the bite of the forbidden fruit, mankind was forever led to vulnerability. We are left to deal with evil ourselves whether we like it or not; and I believe that knowledge is the best way of arming oneself against enemies. The same can be said of evil. Not recognizing evil is ignorance and, in its nature, is evil itself.

(Comment June 21, 2014 This was written way back when I was fresh out of high school. Right now I don't consider myself Catholic or Christian anymore but I still believe that knowledge is power.)

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San Mig Light: Not So Light

I don't drink.

Well, I used not to. Back then I refer to myself as occasional drinker.

And lately I discovered that San Mig Light is not really "light"--another "used to".

I was such a foolish!

I help myself a bottle every now and then under a self-indoctrination that light beers have less alcohol than non-light beers. It also happened that I liked the taste of it and wanted more of it.

One night, I dropped by a convenience store to finally realize that it had the same amount of alcohol as any other beers that I thought were hard--5%vol, even lighter than red and white wine which are  in turn 11-15%vol alcohol. Wine I thought were decent.

OK. So it turned out, much to my chagrin, that the "Light" in San Mig Light refers the amount of carb in the drink. It's the same principle as to why there's Coke Light, Pepsi Light, and Whatever-insert-name-of-alcoholic-beverage-here Light.

Such distress over a drink jargon but now it turns out I'm past being just an "occasional drinker". Slightly more maybe. I don't know...What I recognize is the confidence alcoholic drink gives me so much of...

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Exam Days are............................................................................................ (not yet over)

Haaay...
Feels like forever ang exams. Parang nung isang araw lang nag-exam kami sa Physics111 and now, Physics111 na naman!
Haaay...

This is a Physics111 week.
Next week, everyday and exam.
Chem on Monday;
Physics111 ulit on Tuesday;
and my beloved Math55 on the last day.

Pero kahit na ganun, happy pa rin...
Happy ang buhay nating may mga exams 'di ba?
At least may exam. Kesa naman sa wala.
Haha!

Neways, this is getting too long.
May exams pa ako sa Physics111.
Haha!
Bye-bye Myself!!!

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Mga kapamilyang hindi alam ang pangangailangan ng masang Pilipino, nanghaharvat ng karangalan!!!!

Sa mga chorvex dyan na sabi galing ABS. No way. nonono. 4ever kaung chorvex... Sabihin niyo nga kung kailan nakapagpalabas ang abs na may kinalaman sa kulturang Filipino? Alam namin mayaman ang abs pero hindi magaling. DAVA??? Pero promiz yayaman din ang GMA dahil ngayon "10 years" na ang commercial gap nila samantalang abs, isang komersiyal lang balik na kaagad sa program. Weherherhger...

(Comment June 21, 2014 Wow, ang jologs ko dati)

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