Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Two steps to recovery

Just a thought.

Gosh! Reading all these previous posts makes me feel like they're written by a psycho version of me. I certainly wouldn't want to be around that kind of person. hahahaha

Thinking this way signals that I may be fine soon

Friday, February 20, 2015

Around Angkor Wat by Bike - Day 2

Staring into a very rare sunset
in Nowhere, Cambodia
NOWHERE, CAMBODIA — Two days in, and Oh gawd, I was so sick of temples already!

Hiro and I were coming to the end of a very long Angkor Wat Day 2 Tour (aka The Big Loop Tour). We've been biking since daybreak and I don't exercise; so guess what's on the other side of that equation.

Eccentric and adventurous as always, I suggested getting as far away from the ENORMOUS, ENORMOUS amount of people inside the complex as we can to end what has been an awesome day so far.

We studied the map we had and there seemed like an island called West Mebon in the middle of a lake to the outside west of the Angkor Wat Complex. (Or at least that's what the map showed.) We saw the East Mebon the previous day, it was charming and we even saw it again this morning during sunrise. At this point we were intrigued as to how a western counterpart would look like.

Also, we've been pedaling all day. Catching a sunset by the lake didn't sound so bad at all.

So, westward we biked!

West Mebon, an island in the West Baray Lake, is west to the Angkor Wat Temple Complex.
By the map alone, you would trust that it's a developed section of the Angkor Wat experience.
(map source: Angkor Tourist Guide)

Even before getting out of the complex, we were tested immediately by dirt roads. Despite the dusts relentless in devouring whatever they encounter, it was nothing we can't handle since the road was still straightforward and flat.

Until it wasn't.

We got out of the complex. The road started winding. We started getting lost. Naturally, I am very good with directions but the map we picked up back at the hostel was not so helpful. It wasn't the most sophisticated map I ever had to read, after all. So, we asked around.

No one spoke English.

That moment we knew—we were on our own to figure out where the fuck we were and where the fuck to go.

It took us a little while—after a number of trial-and-errors, back-and-forts, left-and-rights—braving through dirt roads, unknown paths and corners that weren't even on the map before getting to a monk village. We asked where West Mebon was and they pointed us to the direction of a nearby lake.


Right then, so much excitement took over me and I suppose Hiro as well. It took so much from us who were already beat up all day biking to begin with just to get there. We deserved to sit on a boat. We deserved that boat to be cruising on a lake. And we deserved that lake to be glowing gold as the sun sets and we make our way to that island, the intriguing West Mebon. We just had to finally get through rows and rows of bushes and trees and that's it—tension builds up, excitement escalates.


Falling action here goes rather rapidly.

There was nothing there!

No people. No tourists. There was an island in the middle of the lake but no boat goes in.

No nothing.


So we had to be content. The journey so long ended in a muddy lakeside where you can't even sit on.

Surprisingly, it was difficult to get upset. We woke up at a very early part of the day because we wanted to see the sunrise over Angkor Wat. We got up against bodily wishes to stay in bed. We raced through a busy Angkor Wat traffic to get ahead of the tourist pack. We even had to bribe indiscreet temple staff to climb up the top of the centermost temple for the ultimate viewing spot, only to be greeted by a very grim cloudy morning. Three days in Siem Reap and this would have been another one when the skies have just been very unwelcoming.

Yet, there we were, a full period of daylight after, breathing of contentment at the clear sky rapidly becoming crimson as the day came to a close.

The journey to nowhere wasn't such a disappointment after all.

A pair of bikes and the sunset by the lake.


Monday, February 16, 2015

Airport drama: the miserable kind

This is a series of journal entries I kept when I made that random trip around Indochina. I went on a weekend holiday for my birthday, but I ended up heart--I wouldn't say broken but I was extremely lonely. So I ditched my flight back home and went on a backpacking trip. Here are the accounts...

Previously: Random Birthday (Valentine) Trip to Thailand

Well, I guess that's it!

I'm sitting on a bench inside Suvarnabhumi Airport, a few miles outside Bangkok, a few hours past noon, crying.

My flight back home is not until the following morning. But I'm here. I'm here because I have nowhere else to go. Misha and I had a fight that I walked out of. Well, it's much more complicated than it sounds.

I've been upset since the day I arrived. He was sick, of some fever, when i came. No one was there to pick me up from anywhere. That was fine because I completely understood. It wasn't his fault that he was sick. We actually had to spend my birthday and Valentine's day between the hospital and his apartment. Totally understood. Not that I really care about my birthday, or Valentine's day for that matter. It's just another random day in another random year.


Somehow this has become the mood for the next three days. It was all fine by me. I wanted to be there for him. It felt like a turning point for our relationship--one challenge that we storm through and then we'll love each other more by the end of it. What I failed to grasp was how distant and cold he was. He was very noncommittal to all the efforts I've put forward to making our short period together special.

Then it came out--one time at a dinner, he has somehow randomly mentioned a "friend" he has been meeting for the past few weeks.

I tried to brush aside the jealousy. It might have been nothing. It had to be nothing! After all, I was the one there with him at that moment. So I shouldn't let some stranger ruin our time together. But he kept being distant. I've grown weary as the days went by. My frustration was growing. I had to ask. I had to confront. I NEEDED TO KNOW.

Or maybe not.

The truth came rushing to me at an unrelenting violence. What I dreaded from the beginning was now unfolding its ugly shape in front of me. He has been sleeping with that "friend". I knew this was all going to happen. I knew that he will fall for someone else. I knew that we were not meant for each other. I've always known. Denial fought acceptance. That caused my insides to feel as if they were coming out of me. I needed air so I don't choke. That air seemed far away from him. I had to leave.

So much for romantic getaways. Now here I am in the middle of a crowded airport--a busy and uncaring airport.

I'm here. I'm lonely. I 'm miserable. Can't you see tears gushing out of me?

Well, I guess that's it.

To be continued...

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Random Birthday (Valentine) Trip to Thailand

This is a series of journal entries I kept when I made that random trip around Indochina. I went on a weekend holiday for my birthday, but I ended up heart--I wouldn't say broken but I was extremely lonely. So I ditched my flight back home and went on a backpacking trip. Here are the accounts.

I learned in November last year that Misha is back in Thailand. I was pleasantly surprised. He invited me to come over. I couldn't.

Misha is a Russian guy I met over a year ago when I attended a synchrotron conference in Thailand. He was an expatriate who's lived there for well over two years. We went on a few dates and he made my stay very extraordinary considering it was my first time out of the country and I was alone. I really liked him but I had to go back home. It was excruciating--I cried at the airport.

Well, it was meant to be a summer romance, anyways--two people meeting in a foreign land, keeping each other company for the very limited time they had together. We were meant to forget about each other eventually. But we kept in touch. We exchanged words of endearment. We said things to each other. We made each other feel good for a little while. We even joked about getting married at some point. But I knew very well there's an end to it. I just refused to believe it and instead hoped against all hopes.

He moved back to Russia a few months after, never certain if he'll be back ever. Not long after though, he was back. And it got me pumped.

I was a new hire as a finance rep for this big company when he announced his return. I couldn't get out of my new obligations. And I didn't have the money yet; so seeing Misha back then was impossible. We toyed with the idea of seeing him for Christmas or New Year at some point but I was really scared leaving work--it was not to be.

So our communication died down a little bit. We probably just spoke a little less than 10 times for the next four months. I was however consistent in viewing all options in getting over to that Indochina peninsula.

However, last week, against all logic and practicality, I finally mustered the courage to book a flight to Thailand. I asked Misha if it was alright to visit for Valentine's and he said it was fine. I'm excited. I am going to have the best Valentine's and birthday ever!

To be continued...

Next: Airport drama: the miserable kind

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

About This Blog

I'm in the process of building my own website/blog and it is proving to be such an arduous task. There's just so many things about it that are testing much of my decision-making skills; e.g. name, overall design, organization, contents, etc. Well as far as the site's direction is concerned, I feel like I need to lay out a clear path and here are my two cents so far...

After a very long and careful process of thinking, asking, researching, reading, thinking again, and reading again, I finally decided on what direction I want this blog to take.

The most important factor that I took into consideration is "Am I gonna make this site an earner?" If I was going to be moving a lot and finance my trips, might as well make this blog a moneymaker, right? I've read a lot of blogs and a lot of them are plastered with maybe a bit more adverts than they ought to have. I have nothing against it, in fact a lot of bloggers are earning throught it, but I asked myself as a reader, "Am I gonna read a website like that?"

In the process of reading hundreds and hundreds of blogs, I've known myself a lot more as a reader. Out of all those materials. I realized that am more drawn into blogs that tell stories, from personal accounts. I didn't really care for guides, for budget breakdowns or for catalogues. I wanted organic blogs that I can consume as a human being that craves for stories, they be spectacular, adventurous, sad, horrible or what not. Of course, I also really care about the syntax and semantics. They help me to not be put off of a piece.

Things are not set in stone yet but for starters this blog will be about stories from experiences that I collect personally. I'll be putting a lot of pressure on my storytelling skills I guess. I hope things look up though. In the future I might put up guides, who knows? But for the mean time, I see myself doing them not.

(NOTE: I might actually end up putting this in my About This Blog Section)

P.S. What the hell is a PSN blog?

Monday, June 09, 2014

How about Coron solo?

yup. Will post something on this later. ciao