Ang Stress ng 151 (ever since, stat mech)

Nagising akong 8:30 today na may 1 missed call at 1 text from someone nagtatanong: "Anong oras ang finals natin sa 151? At anong coverage?"

And then boom! It hit me. Ngayong tinanong na ni classmate, saka ko na-realize from top of my head na shit! 7am nga pala ang exam. All this time while reviewing the past few days, I was looking forward to a 9am exam, why?

Dali-dali: 10 minutes na ligo, 5 minutes na bihis at pagkatagal-tagal na pag-aayos ng buhok (roughly).

Habang papuntang NIP, minamap-out ko na sa utak ko anong mga excuses na ibibigay ko sa prof at ang paghingi ng 30mins para matapos ang isang pang-2hour na exam. At sinisisi na rin ang sarili deep inside kung bat pa naidlip ng mga 6:30am, galing sa all-nighter na pagrereview. Naiimagine ko na rin ang worst possible shit: I've been working so hard for this tapos maze-zero lang ako? But I kept calm.

10 minutes past 9 pagdating ng research wing, halos wala nang tao sa NIP. So pumunta straight sa office ni Sir. And then ang pambungad kong tanong, "Sir magpa-finals ba ako in the first place?" Matagal ko na ding tanong yan.

Hindi kasi naglabas ever ng exam results si sir prior to this week. So by the time nag-start ang hell week, I just went straight into loser mode. Buong araw nasa dorm nagso-solve ng mga problems. Lalabas na lang ng mga 2 or 3pm para mag-breakfast at dinner na din. Babalik sa dorm ng 5 tapos review ulit, mga magdamagan na to. Other stuff, I ignored. I cancelled UPM application. Ni hindi ako nag-review for Bio finals. Leading up to last night nga na super confident na akong mape-perfect ko na ang exam. Well, except for the fact that I missed the exam already.

So, si Sir, pointed sa isang tambak ng mga papel. (I was expecting naman na bibigyan niya ako ng kahit 30minutes lang) "Tingnan mo exams mo!" And boom! Ang lago ng scores na hindi ko in-expect. One look and I knew then that I didn't really need to take the finals nga. So dapat nga masiyahan na nga ako and all diba? But no!

First of all, maganda ang outcome, flying colors and all. Pero marami lang akong nai-sacrifice para sa finals exam na to. I was looking forward to this. 2 weeks in the making, isinantabi ko ang napakaraming bagay. Not complaining at all, na-anticipate ko din naman ang mga ganitong sacrifices ever since pa, the puyat, the gutom, etc. Para lang kasing they went all for nothing. Haha! Well, except na-enjoy ko din naman yung pag-aaral. Tapos ang sad lang nung sobrang inignore ko talaga ang application ko sa UPM. I was looking forward pa naman ma-induct as early as October. Pero I had to defer and wait til next year pa for another chance. Haaay...

I guess the takeaway is at least makaka-move forward na ako sa 152, ang last Physics major ko (hopefully) sa isang naaapakahaba at naaaapaka-eventful na undergrad life ko.

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The Perfect Excuse

So I learned, I will be working on a new topic for undergraduate thesis. I think this is the 4th I am changing one. I guess I would have to postpone the Bohol trip for the mean time. I just don't deserve to have a vacation at the moment. After the unsuccessful trials on the first three topics? No. But I am more positive that regardless of what topic is assigned to me, I got it in the bag. No other degree-less human being on that institute is more knowledgeable of x-rays than me. I practically breathe x-rays every friggin' day. So cheers to 2013 graduation! And I would've scheduled my out of country vacation by then. Boom!

Video for the day!  

"Villages" by Alpine. This is pretty awesome in a freaky way.

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Majorana fermions

I was reading this article (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/05/120515094136.htm) about a condensed matter physics breakthrough called topological insulators which mainly focused on the material Bismuth Selenide, which according to the article has yet the lowest electron-phonon coupling even when approaching room temperature. And then all the way to the end part, a potentially major discovery by a group of Chinese scientists is mentioned. A superconductor material is layered onto the surface of the topological insulator and theoretically you create a particle that is its own antiparticle. Now that's sick! I just needed it published here to remind myself that one day, as a much improved and matured scientist, I will probably have to deal with this topological insulators myself. And I needed to remember the name of the new particle, "Majorana fermions". I wonder who came up with the name? It's not very flattering.

(Image Lifted from http://www.mnn.com/sites/default/files/MajoranaFermion_main_0416.jpg )

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Bacolares and Sweets

As an opening remark, I just want to address some people who managed to ruin an otherwise remarkable and self-fulfilling day. Dude, if you want to have fun, go have fun! But don't shove your brand of fun into other people's throat! I am frankly disappointed that we are living in an environment conducive to all kinds of preferences and yet some of you still manage to be insensitive self-serving idiots!

There you have it, my ultra-negative rant for the day. But other than that, I had a self-rediscovery or maybe self-realization day. For the past few days, I have been very lethargic, lazy, sad maybe, totally spaced out, tired, irritable, a little sick probably. But there has been something bothering me already that have been very difficult for me to see that I would often resort to smoking, drinking coffee too much, jogging unscheduled-ly, and sleep like log in random places and at random time. But I knew I wanted to be sick. I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to get tired from a dance central arcade. I knew I wanted something new to get me energized but I just didn't knew how.

So, today, out of all the randomness that had happened or I forced to happen for the last couple of days, I found myself crying and laughing, all at the same time with some of my very close friends and colleagues. We were going to want to hear from an ate about what's been bothering her lately because she too seemed irritable. She denied or chose to not burden us with the knowing but she burst into tears. And then another ate burst into tears. And then the next thing I know I burst into tears as well. But we were laughing!

After that little hormonal outburst, it felt good. I realized I made it a goal for the summer to take care of my physical health but I forgot to take care of my emotional health. You see, I've been tired, I've been frustrated and I've been sad. But it all didn't seem to matter when I had tasks that needed my taking care of: thesis experiments, paperworks, errands, paperworks. It wasn't when I haven't been getting success at my thesis experiments. I have been walking from building to building for days. I have been sleeping late. I haven't been opening my readings. I've been harboring all this heavy emotions and I didn't even have the slightest hint of their existence. But the frustration, the fatigue, exhaustion, and loneliness, it all culminated into this small round-table gathering of people close to me, crying and laughing, all at the same time. But like I said, I never felt better.

As an ending to this crazy story, I wanna share a cool Bobby McFerrin video I found a few days ago titled "Don't Worry, Be Happy"; and highlight the line, "In every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double." Here it is:




P.S. I bought a bacolares plant.

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A Quote from "Life Itself" by Roger Ebert

Yes, I'm a fan of Roger Ebert. I'll probably have to explain that a little later. Anyway, reading one of his articles, I noticed one of the comments which happen to quote a bit from his book "Life Itself". I just found the thought so nice. And never realize that this is actually spot on. And if only humanity has a little more sense of responsibility of each other's accords, that world peace we've been fantasizing all along wouldn't be too far-fetched. So here's the quote:

"I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all the crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try."

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